His face was smooth against my finger tips as I traced his jaw line. Tears began forming at the corner of his eyes gazing with those fierce blue eyes. He was a fighter, and a very brave one. He looked up at me with a hesitant look and dropped his eyes towards my hand wrapped around his. “Liam,” he began to say but I simply shook my head not letting him go on further. This was becoming a routine, he knew he was to tell someone and I was glad I was the one to know about it. We’ve been together for 2 months and today was the day he decided to tell me. He knew my reaction might worry him but I couldn’t stand seeing this gorgeous Irish boy in front of me hurt. His father was to blame, I never understood how he can hurt someone as delicate as this boy. I whipped away his tear quickly stopping it from slipping down his cheekbone. He winced at the warmth of my palm.
 
I picked up the picture frame that was settled on my nightstand. Smiling through my bloodshot eyes I could see how happy we truly were. How did I not see it I argued with myself. I never really felt pain the way he did until today, he felt it for months. A shiver went down my spine I could feel his presence. I picked up the picture frame and flung it against the wall and before it hit the wall I shoved my head underneath my pillow blocking out the screams in my head.
 
“Niall,” I said catching up towards him. “Slow down the guys are still in the van” he laughed his perfect laugh. His laugh filled the open cool air as he made his slow movement towards me. “Gives me time to do this,” he said gazing deeply into my eyes. His lips reached mine but I was hesitant and decided to pull back. I looked back to make sure none of the boys saw us and thankfully they hadn’t. The Irish lad bit his lower lip and before he turned away I pulled him in for a kiss. A soft warm pair of lips fit into mine. 
 
A sudden dizziness hit me. I toke my first step out of my room but to only fall back down and hit the frame of my bed. A tear crept through my eyelids and made its way down my neck. I looked down to my bare toes only to find glass cutting through my feet. I chuckled at the drops of my blood, stinging every part of my muscles. “Look at what a mess we made Niall” I said, once again feeling his presence.
 
“What do you want to order” I said turning to Niall as we took our seats at Nandos across from the lads. He seemed distracted looking down at his phone but then feigned a smile and said to the waitress “I’ll just have the peri peri chicken sandwich.” he looked down again almost as if he didn’t want to make eye contact with me. “Niall!” I said shaking him back to reality. He quickly snapped his head up and I could see there was a trace of hurt deep in his eyes. “You’re not mad at me babe right?” “Liam I’d never be mad at you, I’m just not feeling too well. I need to go home” his last words stung a bit to me. “I’ll take you” I offered but he quickly shook his head and excused himself from the table. Harry looked at me with a quizzical expression “What’s wrong with Nialler” but before the rest of the boys were about to ask the same question I found myself at the Exit door searching for Niall.
 
I picked myself up from the ground laughing with every step I take. “Do you want me to give up? Is that what you want me to do?” I screamed at mid air “Because I’m giving you a chance to help me through this, you never gave me that Niall. Why?” I felt the tears stream even harder and with every drop I felt its warmth. I finally made it to the bathroom removing every piece of glass that has encountered with my skin. I looked at the mirror and saw someone I’ve never seen in my life before he had bloodshot eyes and a wide smirk spread across his face. I lifted my arm with all the energy I had still in me and aimed for his face. I heard a terrible cracking noise and blocked it out before the visions replayed in my head.
 
“Niall! Wait! Please don’t leave” I continued to shout at him while he turned to me with sorrow in his eyes before getting into the cab.

“Open the door. Open the door now Niall!” I said alarmed at the fact that he missed my 16 calls while driving to his house. I pushed the door opened surprised he wasn’t there. My legs were shaking and my first guess was the bathroom. This can’t be I thought, it can’t be happening please don’t do this Niall not now. Not ever.
 
“My heart against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck. I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet. And with this feeling I’ll forget, I’m in love now”
 
Still looking down at my broken knuckles unable to feel any real emotions I could still remember the day I told Niall I loved him. My face brightened but there was still a deep sense of hopelessness. Never ending hopelessness. His bright smile appeared through my eyes at the words I’ve said to him. I wondered if he knew how much he meant to me “How could you just give up like that Niall, how could you give up on us?” I knew there was no use in arguing with myself, nothing can bring back my true meaning of staying alive.
 
Please god let this day end. “Niall I hear you! Don’t do something you’ll regret please” I tried shoving the door but he seemed to have locked it. I hear sobbing and the only thing blocking me from a mistake that’s about to occur to my true love is a door. I start to panic and sob even harder “Niall I love you, don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to us.” I press my hands against the door waiting for a miracle. But the faint sound of sobbing seemed to have stopped.
 
“Liam, take those thoughts out of your mind now” I hear Niall whispering. I snap my head behind me thinking he’s standing there, but how could he? He’s gone. I let those last words sink in but it’s futile, there’s no way to bring him back.
 
The paramedics rushed Niall to the ambulance, and the only vision I have is of him reaching out to me. I couldn’t grab his hand it hurt to even look at him. His eyes filled with lust, regret and deep sense of torture. I’ve never seen him look this way; the life out of him was draining before my eyes. I hear people shouting trying to make him stay alive but right now I wish he wasn’t.
 
I rinse my face with cold water hoping to lose the reflection looking back at me, hoping to wake up from a forever lasting nightmare. I knew I should’ve done something. If I acted like a real boyfriend he wouldn’t have been gone. Why was he feeling the need to let go of everything he had, one if them being us. Questions unanswered and forever they will be.
 
Louis came just in time to take me to the hospital and it toke both Zayn and Harry to get me into the car before losing consciousness. “Liam man, stay with me” I hear Zayn saying into my ear. I couldn’t exactly make out the figures hovering over me but I’m aware of where I am. “Get me out of here,” I begin to shout “I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to see anyone” Louis tries to shake me out of my words but I begin to feel the burning of every tear spilling down my neck. Words after the other trembling on top of each other. “I could have stopped it. I thought he was happy. Makes you realize what a smile can hide.” I didn’t realize what I have said for a moment but it hit me. He was hiding it to keep me happy.
 
As I fill my tub with hot water and begin to sink in. Wanting to reach out to Niall I hear, “Liam you finally know the real reason I had to let go. It killed me knowing how hurt you’d be seeing me like that everyday” the blue eyed lad saying at the back of my head. “I did it all because I loved you” it toke me a month to realize but those last words were enough to keep me living.